


Discoveries

by ArtfulDistraction



Category: Hellsing
Genre: ALL THE CRACK, Crack, all sales final, don't grope things, even if it ends well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 14:19:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14916974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtfulDistraction/pseuds/ArtfulDistraction
Summary: Never, ever grope what you think is a wax statue ever again. (Reader x Alucard)





	Discoveries

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the little scene between Alucard and Anderson in the Imperial War Museum in London. This was in the manga, blah blah.
> 
> Testing the waters a bit here, I used to post my works over at Lunaescence but, meh, it's not what it used to be. Ah well, enjoy friends. This is an old story.

****

**Discoveries** _  
No More Museums_

It definitely was your first time in London. The city was absolutely breath-taking and you made sure that today was when you'd visit the Imperial War Museum. You had a small thing for history, to say the least. The museum seemed to be very empty today, but it was all well and good, since that meant you wouldn't have to weave in and out of people. You smiled as you walked through a stranded hallway, glancing at the paintings that adorned the walls. It was so peaceful. Well, until you heard loud talking is a heavy Scottish accent. You blinked and made your way to the double doors, pushing them open rather forcefully to see the painting room and two statues in the center. You raised a brow and walked over to said statues, wondering why they would be in a room full of paintings. Shouldn't they be for a wax exhibit?

Both Alucard and Anderson stood perfectly still, since they didn't want this innocent bystander to realize they were trying to kill each other. Would be just a bit awkward, no? You walked over to Anderson first, poking at him gently. There was a blink. Then another.

“... Is wax supposed to be warm?”

The vampire seemed to be thoroughly amused, of course, he didn't show it since he was supposed to be a wax statue. 

“... Those weapons look pretty real. And dangerous...”

You stared at Anderson for a bit and shrugged, going over to the next statue. You stood in front of Alucard, looking him up and down. Your head tilted to the side as you eyed the guns he was holding. They were... larger than normal guns. You blinked at them and looked at one side of a gun, examining it.

“Whoa, big.”

Nice, very nice, Alucard thought. With the way you said that, nearly got his blood boiling. Oh, he was so amused with this one. Something about you, something he couldn't place, really made him want to bite your pretty little neck and make you his. He wondered briefly how delicious your blood would taste.

“They're not normal at all, weird.” You grabbed one of the guns and removed it from his hand. The moment Alucard let go, you nearly fell forward from the sheer weight of it. You started wide-eyed at the gun. “What the flying fuck? Is it made of fucking weights!? Sheesh!”

Then it hit you. How could a wax statue hold that much weight? Well, you were exactly an expert on that, maybe the statue it three or five times as heavy as the gun. ... Can wax even weigh that much? You sighed and, slowly, raised the gun up. You huffed, looking it over. Your head tilted to the side again and your finger slipped, setting the gun off. The initial shot made you lose grip on the gun and sent you flying back to hit the wall. You froze as the gun managed to embed itself into the wall by your head. You made a soft squeak and quickly crawled away from the huge dent in the wall.

“I don't like guns anymore...” You murmured as you stood up and dusted yourself off. You heaved a sigh and walked over to Alucard, definitely suspicious. Your hands started feeling around on his body, determined to find the source of warmth. Alucard, as best as he could, tried his best to not make any movement or jump you right then and there. The movement of those hands, as innocent an action it was, was driving him a bit crazy. It was a very good thing the glasses hid his eyes. You stood in front of him with your arms folded. Where else could the source of heat come from? Also, wouldn't the wax melt from the continuous flow? You eyed one spot you didn't check and soon enough, your hand found its way in between Alucard's legs. Even if he was expecting it, it was still a bit of a surprise to him. A rather pleasant one at that. 

“This feels so real,” with that said, your hand was gone. “Someone's been spending way too much time making these statues.”

You huffed and decided to chance looking down the statue's pants. You blinked and blinked and blinked. “They look real too...”

Then it hit you.

“Oh, fuck, they ARE real!” The moment it hit you, you jumped away from the statue with wide eyes and face a crimson red. You freaked out, flailed and ran your ass as fast as you could out of the room. Alucard was the first to move, retrieving his gun and sighing. However, a smirk soon formed on his face and, without a word, he left to pursue you. He certainly wasn't going to let you get away with groping him like that. Oh, no he wouldn't. He most certainly would enjoy the little game he had planned for you. Anderson stared after Alucard and soon sheathed his weapons.

“Ah'll be heading tae the cafeteria noo.”


End file.
